Russica: [Cases of cucumber biting]
From Quora
In Russia, cucumber mafia has monopolized the trade driving supermarket prices higher than pork.
This has led to a curious phenomenon: customers unable to afford cucumbers have resorted to biting into them in the store without paying.
Some individuals get their daily cucumber fix by visiting several supermarkets in a row. Initially, retirees were the main suspects, but authorities soon realized that they lack teeth needed to bite into a cucumber. They are often caught tearing off a packet with porridge and emptying it into a portable thermos and eating while moving along the aisle. Children were also ruled out because the bite marks were simply too large.
One theory suggests that adults may be biting off chunks and carrying them home in their mouths, pelican-style, to feed their vitamin-starved children.
The investigation is ongoing.
Russian authorities are pushing citizens to abandon WhatsApp and Telegram in favor of a state-controlled messenger called Mad Max. A recent government advertisement illustrates this campaign with a satirical twist that I would like to deep dive into it to reveal some extra layers of darkness.
In the ad, a stepfather drives a Lada purchased with the coffin compensation of a soldier unalived in the special military operation. His stepson and new wife accompany him chewing raw cucumbers as they encounter an old man on a horse-drawn cart.
The old man nurses his mouth after breaking his remaining teeth biting into a cucumber at a supermarket.
"We are on Mad Max," the stepfather announces, pointing to a stop sign that bars the cart from proceeding further.
The cart serves as a metaphor for Telegram, which is affectionately nicknamed "the Cart" in Russian internet culture and has evolved into a full-fledged ecosystem similar to X.
The old man, still tasting cucumber in his mouth, replies with defiance: "And I'm still using the Cart (Telegram).
The implication is that only toothless old men who can’t afford cucumbers and drive horse-drawn carts use Telegram.
In Russian pharmacies, activation codes for activated charcoal are now being withheld from customers unless they first download the Mad Max messenger.
This is the only way to obtain a remedy for the stomach troubles caused by biting into unwashed supermarket cucumbers.
Comments
Post a Comment